Motivation and Willpower. Faith and Hope.

It’s exactly 9 more days to finals.

And to tell you the truth, I’ve not been studying much. That is why I’m blogging here to express myself and let it all out rather than compressing everything in my heart.

Usually when exam is drawing nearer, I have the urge and motivation to read and understand as much as possible, usually I never fail to make sure it’s all in my head.

But right now, I’ve lost the drive and persistence to go further. I’ve lost my willpower to succeed and also to achieve my goals. Oh, and now I just realised that I have no goals.

What I feel now are the blank and stressed mind, the fast heartbeat I had ever since this morning and the nauseous feeling I had since like forever.

Every small little things disturbs me badly, every noise distracts me and every heartbeat of mine makes me harder to breathe. I don’t know why am I being like this.

I tried every possible way to calm myself down, eating chocolate, exercising, listening to music, going Genting riding roller coasters, driving, dancing, searching motivational quotes and asking my loved ones to comfort me.

But those are just temporary stress killers.

I don’t know how to think positively anymore. I don’t know how to be optimistic.

I no longer accept the phrase ‘Every cloud has a silver lining’.

I just know that finals are in a week time, and I haven’t prepare much at all when others are busy facing their books and I’m here glued to my laptop!

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THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!

THIS IS SO NOT ME!

I, CHAI YOON JHEN, DO NOT EVER LOSE FOCUS IN THE THINGS I DO!

I, THE STRONG FIGHTER, NEVER EVER LOSE THE BATTLE!

I, THE COURAGEOUS ONE, WILL NOT GIVE UP TILL MY FINAL BREATH!

I WILL FIND EVERY OPPORTUNITY TO BUILD UP MY WILLPOWER!

GAINING KNOWLEDGE IS WHAT I SHOULD ENJOY DOING!

9 DAYS? I SHALL UTILISE THEM WELL!

STOP PROCRASTINATING JOIE CHAI!

USE THE TIME TO HAVE FUN STUDYING RATHER THAN SELF-PITYING!

GAIN INTEREST FROM WHAT YOU HAVE STUDIED!

STOP CRYING LIKE A BABY! CRYING IS HELPLESS! IT DOESN’T HELP YOU TO SCORE IN PAPERS! IT’LL ONLY MAKE YOU FEEL WORSE!

STOP THINKING SO MUCH AND FOCUS!

AZA AZA HWAITING!!

FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS!!