Moving, AGAIN!!!

Hey guys, I’m moving my blog back to blogspot since I think it’s much easier to blog using that.

http://fabulousjourneyofmine.blogspot.com/

See ya!

Happy 19th Birthday Big Fat Baby, That’s me! >.<

Just a tiny wheeny update about my birthday.

Will come back to blog soon!

How soon? See la when I’m free. Lol.

Last teen year, like omg. >.<

Till then, see ya soon!

EXAMS OVER!! HOLIDAYS ARE HERE!

BOOK ME FOR OUTINGS!! >.<

Motivation and Willpower. Faith and Hope.

It’s exactly 9 more days to finals.

And to tell you the truth, I’ve not been studying much. That is why I’m blogging here to express myself and let it all out rather than compressing everything in my heart.

Usually when exam is drawing nearer, I have the urge and motivation to read and understand as much as possible, usually I never fail to make sure it’s all in my head.

But right now, I’ve lost the drive and persistence to go further. I’ve lost my willpower to succeed and also to achieve my goals. Oh, and now I just realised that I have no goals.

What I feel now are the blank and stressed mind, the fast heartbeat I had ever since this morning and the nauseous feeling I had since like forever.

Every small little things disturbs me badly, every noise distracts me and every heartbeat of mine makes me harder to breathe. I don’t know why am I being like this.

I tried every possible way to calm myself down, eating chocolate, exercising, listening to music, going Genting riding roller coasters, driving, dancing, searching motivational quotes and asking my loved ones to comfort me.

But those are just temporary stress killers.

I don’t know how to think positively anymore. I don’t know how to be optimistic.

I no longer accept the phrase ‘Every cloud has a silver lining’.

I just know that finals are in a week time, and I haven’t prepare much at all when others are busy facing their books and I’m here glued to my laptop!

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THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!

THIS IS SO NOT ME!

I, CHAI YOON JHEN, DO NOT EVER LOSE FOCUS IN THE THINGS I DO!

I, THE STRONG FIGHTER, NEVER EVER LOSE THE BATTLE!

I, THE COURAGEOUS ONE, WILL NOT GIVE UP TILL MY FINAL BREATH!

I WILL FIND EVERY OPPORTUNITY TO BUILD UP MY WILLPOWER!

GAINING KNOWLEDGE IS WHAT I SHOULD ENJOY DOING!

9 DAYS? I SHALL UTILISE THEM WELL!

STOP PROCRASTINATING JOIE CHAI!

USE THE TIME TO HAVE FUN STUDYING RATHER THAN SELF-PITYING!

GAIN INTEREST FROM WHAT YOU HAVE STUDIED!

STOP CRYING LIKE A BABY! CRYING IS HELPLESS! IT DOESN’T HELP YOU TO SCORE IN PAPERS! IT’LL ONLY MAKE YOU FEEL WORSE!

STOP THINKING SO MUCH AND FOCUS!

AZA AZA HWAITING!!

FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS!!

There ain’t no life, without hope and you.

Howdie there!

I know I should have blogged earlier than now. But well, laziness hit me yet again. I’ve been idling around here and there for the past 5 days. Those were the lazy days.

Oh well, I shall use the spare time to update a bit about my life here alright? Just some really random thoughts in my head that I feel like writing down instead of them stuck in the dusty corner of my brain, if brains ever have any corners. Swt.

First off, shall I say, MOCK’S finally off my hands! Now I’m just anticipating for the results, not! It’s pretty much a big relief, but the best are yet to come. The FINALS! Great, just great. Anyhow, shockingly, I did able to get through the obstacle, I finally learned how to think positively and be optimistic even when times are bad. Surprisingly, I wasn’t nervous nor scared at all, for the first two papers. Lol. I was quite terrified for the last paper, T7, partly because I know I didn’t have sufficient revision for the paper and as the lecturer has mentioned, it was indeed a killer paper. I bet many of us had a good hell of three long hours staring around the hall, going to the loo or even maybe dripping saliva on the paper, dozing off. Lol. Oh well, let’s just all learn from our mistakes shall we? Okie dokie!

And about a good old friend of mine who’s been sucking the life out of me, I’m pretty glad to say that I’m finally able to try my very best to get rid of it. Yes it is a ‘it’. It’s the NEGATIVITY in me that has gloomed my mind, heart and soul for all my life. Truthfully, I was in a really depressed mood for the past few months. Maybe it’s because things didn’t turn out like I wanted them to be. So I started doing all kinds of really negative things, I started hating myself and putting all the blame on me. It was a tough time for me, and I shed tears at least once every week, damn no wonder I was dehydrated.

Anyhow, right now I’m glad that I have the strength and faith to fight the emo thoughts that haunted my mind. Thanks to a really really good friend of mine. =) He definitely did a great job in bringing me back to who I used to be. He must be having a real tough time handling someone like me who’s so stubborn, both physically and emotionally. Gosh I feel so bad for letting him see the real ugly side of me, urgh. Oh well, not just him, my friends saw the fierce side of me as well. Damn I’ve been a really bad girl.

Time to change! Digi, always a smarter choice. Oh, that was just commercial break. Oh lame can I go hurh? Haha.

Oh dang, I don’t feel like writing any further. My mind’s not in order , so I better run off now before I get emo and start crapping and ranting.

Think positive Joie!

You’re in good hands!

God loves us all!

Adios!



Crappy Random.. Sleepy~~

Aloha! Bonjour!

Great day I should say for today. Depression didn’t hit me. I was trying hard to remove every thoughts of negativity by thinking of the birghter side of my life so yeah, I’m recovering am I? Good one. Lol.

Although I would say that I am currently having exam stress like everyone else, and yet again studying last minute, but I shall always tell myself that there’s always time for me to study and always have faith in myself. And yes! I followed my study schedule! This is what I call disciplined, determined and focused! Weehee~~!!

Quote of the day :

Disciplining yourself to do what you know is right and important, although difficult, is the high road to pride, self-esteem, and personal satisfaction.

So long now! Starting a brand new day tomorrow!

A good tight sleep I shall have tonight! Adios!

When is it all gonna be over? Never.

I’ve been really down lately.

The negative thoughts never stop haunting my mind.

I’m mentally disturbed by everything in my life.

I keep asking myself,

‘Why am I being like this?’

‘Why can’t I think of the brighter side in life?’

‘Why can’t I be like my friends who are so optimistic and carefree?’

‘Why have I changed into some monstrous person?’

‘Where is my happy-go-lucky attitude?’

I’ve lost the strength to rise again.

I’m falling apart.

I have nothing to hold on to.

I’m really tired of my pessimistic mind.

I have no more energy to fight back.

I know I’ll breakdown.

This is definitely the biggest downfall of Chai Yoon Jhen so far.

Happy day today!!

I’m going to be happy today!

 I shall make everyday a happy day! Wee!

I shall think positively no matter what happens.

Hehe!

No matter, I’m still living.

Just a quick one here. Probably an emo one too.
Life’s not doing well for me.
I’ve been quite stressful lately. I know everyone else is too, so I’m no exception.
But somehow I’ve gone pessimistic and depressed. For instance, today.

I went back hostel feeling a whole load of mood swing and I can’t control my emotions, thus I just let out my anger on my sis. Which was something I was guilty about later after that.

I was so depressed about everything in me. Every little thing counts and everything upset me to the max.

I felt like bursting into tears, but was afraid to so in public.

At that moment, I hate myself so much, I hate everything I do, I hate everything that’s happening around me. I was feeling extremely dissatisfied with my life. I wished I have a better one.I wished I could excel in my studies much better, I wished I could do all the things I want without even bothering what other people would say. I wished I could spend my time doing something I need to do instead of procrastinating like what I’m doing right now.

Feeling like this made me even worse. It made me think that I’m an ungrateful person who already has all she needs, but still craving for more. I feel like a worthless child who spends every single penny that her dad has earned so hard.

I feel so suffocated when I have to deal with two sides from different point of views. I feel so trapped between what’s right and what’s not. I feel like I’m being investigated from head to toe. I feel like a bitch for ignoring and hurting my loved ones.

Everytime I want to change, everytime I try to compromise, everytime I try to calm myself down, everytime I try to think right, my willpower isn’t just strong enough to deal with the reality. And everytime these happen, all I can afford to do is just break down, get depressed, stuff everything into my heart and keep my lips shut. And shed tears.

I’m tired of shedding tears. I’m tired of becoming such a pessimist. I’m sick of myself for doing this to my mind. I don’t know how to stop all these. They just keep going on and on. I’m falling apart. I don’t think I can hold on any longer.

Stop helping me, my friend. If I can’t help myself, no one can.

Toodles.

Searching For A New Beginning

Hi to all!

I’ve decided to make another blog of mine because, well, I’m kinda bored with the old blog.
It’s been 3 years already and I haven’t been updating it so, probably a new blog will motivate me to write. Or not.
I’ve been busy lately, or should I say LAZY?
Oh well, no matter, I’ll try to blog once in a while alright? I’ll try.
Once a week perhaps?
A quick or long one, whatever it is, I will update my life in here.

Anyway, I’ve just ‘celebrated’ my first year in college.
Oh, I’m growing old! Already a senior!
Looking at the newcomers reminds me of myself when I first came here.
I was such a loner back then, unbelievable really.
Thankfully I got through the nightmare and yeah, I’m doing good right now!
Although I must say this semester is definitely harder than the last and it’s gonna get tougher and tougher,
but I do have great fun with my friends.
And of course, I still have my old habit, procrastination.
I can’t get rid of it!! Irritating parasite!
I’m currently making a study schedule but I barely follow it since I always have something else to right after class.
Whether it’s a late lunch, a movie or even just simply hanging out talking crap with my friends.
Motivation just isn’t coming to me at the right time. *sobs*

This year, I must say, there are good things and really bad things going on in my life.
My beloved sexy sis has flown to London to pursue her studies , hell yeah, she’s doing alright there.
It seems like she’s having holidays there rather than studying.
Traveling and eating good food she is, boy I’m jealous!
My next stop? London it is! *hehe*

Anyway, lately, I’ve been hurting my beloved ones without me noticing.
I always thought that what I do will lighten up their burden and make them happy.
Little did I know that I’ve been stabbing their heart all the while.
I keep hearing them say, ‘Imagine you’re in my shoes. how will you feel?’
Honestly, no matter how hard I try, I still can’t imagine being in their position.
Because I realised, I only see from my point of view and perspective.
I’ve been shining so brightly myself that everyone around me is hiding behind my huge shadow where I can’t see them.
People telling me that I’m selfish and I only think about myself.
I admit, I hide my feelings and I do run away from problems.
I always thought that keeping everything to myself will make everything less complicating.
But in the end, when I can’t hold on any longer, tears just burst out and so does my feelings, and my heart.
That’s when I hurt them all most.
That’s when everyone is crying their hearts out and no words can explain how they feel deep within.
And that’s when all the blame is put on me.
I never know that what I’ve done has been putting such great pain to them.
And right now, I don’t know what to do.
I’m clueless and hopeless.
I’m faithless and careless.
All I can say now is,
two words,
seven alphabets.
I’m Sorry.